Thirteen and I'm going to be seen!

Today was a pretty chill day. Theory is stressing me out. School is stressing me out. It's that time of the year where I start stressing about my grades, and then in the end I end up being fine and passing with B's and A's. I hate it. I just want to go home and see my family and my friends and just hang out! I miss them. I'm ready for my birthday!

15 days until I turn 19, on Nov. 25th, which is also Thanksgiving this year! I'm ready for my bday party with my friends. I'm ready for a lot!

I don't know what I want for my birthday. (Just kidding I do <3 Money, and Dexter Season 1-3 <3. Winter clothes. Love <3 )

I went to Dr. Ruiz's piano recital tonight. It was so beautiful and really proved to me that music makes you think more complex and intricate questions. All I could think about was how the relationships I've had so far are just small insignificant marks on the long life span I'm going to have. And just a lot of other thoughts. And how I really want to be a choir director and just to live my life. And I realized that I'm kind of lonely. It's been such a long time since I've been single. :( But I'll make it. I just need a girls night out. And I will have that tomorrow night with Cassie, Celeste, and Katie. I will be living with them next year <3 I'm excited to be living with them; they seem to be extremely cool girls. I also want a girls night out with Rebecca and Carlee. I miss them so much. <3

I found some lyrics to a Norah Jones song (whom I'm currently obsessed with. Wth?) that I really feel like sum up the last two weeks of my life. here they are. The song is called "Not My Friend"


Help me breathe,
Help me believe,
You seem really glad that I am sad.

You are not my friend,
I cannot pretend that you are.

You made it sting,
Your voice is ringing,
Just like the boys who laughed at me in school.

You are not my friend,
I cannot pretend anymore.

You found a place,
No one should ever go.

I'll be ok,
'cause when I back away,
I'm gonna keep the handle of your gun in sight.

I've really been listening to a lot of mellower music. Man, I'm so ready for Gaga's new cd. Born This Way 2011 <3

Today's quote is:
"When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit."
~ Unknown

Twelve doesn't mean I'm going to delve!

I couldn't think of any good words to rhyme with twelve!

I'm trying really hard to keep this blog up to date!

I feel sososososososo much better since all that stupid crap is over. I don't feel bad, or terrible, or anything! I'm so happy. Saturday night was amazing. I sang my solos so well, even I'll admit that. I admit it confidently. :)

I have a wonderful date tomorrow night (hopefully not postponed again?!) with Pearce. It's his last name. I'm not sure how much I should be publicizing his name. I'm super excited about it. I'm ready to get out of the dorm and start hanging out with people again!

It's hard since we're all in college and we all have obligations. All we kids want to do is make friends and hang out.

I've started watching True Blood, and come to the conclusion that True Blood is just Twilight Rated X. Come on Stephenie Meyer, we all know you stole Charlaine Harris idea about True Blood and just dumbed it down into a G rated book. Lame. Also Stephen Moyer is much hotter than Robert Pattinson if you ask me.

My horoscope today is: Your good nature is rubbing off on others today. You might find that your energy is best spent on bringing people together or ensuring peace, even among people who have been at each other's throats lately.

Hmmm not sure how I feel about it. I guess it's true? We'll see! The day is yet to be over!

Eleven and I'm finally in Heaven.

Bet you read this because I asked you if you did. (You're not supposed to understand what it means ;) )

Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head all night long. Seriously, what the in the hell? I sort of need to focus for a paper. But how can I when Sweet Transvestite is stuck in my head?! Or when Pirates of Penzance is? Or when Candide is?! God, I want to write a musical! Really bad! But we all want a lot of things, don't we?

Today was overall a great day. It was a good day to stick it to the man and say *insert expletive here* haters! Why did I ever waste my time? My emotion? Maybe it was because I was stupid. Or maybe it was the way I 'move into you and you work your way back. I feel insecure and you fill in the gap'. Idiot. But we did 'Our Best'. Now I know to let go, but I miss you instead. Ha! Not. But it's okay, I'll still remember your painted smile. -barf-

Can I use anymore wordplay right now? I bet I could. I have so so so so so soooo many more witty comments to use. Maybe if I write my paper now it will be astounding. But I don't want to. I'm like...dying. I need to express myself creatively! Maybe I'll write s short story.

My horoscope today was fantastic: The big picture is clear to you now, so you ought to be able to figure out what to do next -- if it isn't preordained, that is! See if you can convince at least one colleague that you're the one to follow.


Love it. So true.

Today's quote is:

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

10 and I'm going for a spin!

Today has been awfully awful. So awful in fact, that I realized a lot more about myself. If I really love myself, I'll move on. So I have. The final straw has been drawn. And I snapped. This happened a lot quicker than I thought it would. Much quicker than what happened with Frankie. I kinda like this. The fact that I'm starting new. There's no reason to be caught up over one person. Especially when there are so many other people out there who can offer you so much more in life. All I should focus on right now is my career.

Today's topic.: Respect. You realize how little people have of it for each other. But, the world be a much better place if people respected others. But they don't. And it will never be that way. I think maybe it's time I start fresh. Suck all the poison out of my life. (Haha, I totally stole that from Mean Girls. I have almost every line of that movie memorized). And once I do, I think things will be at peace in my life.

Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power.
Clint Eastwood

“Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”
Stacey Charter

Both are my favorite today. But for the week, I live my motto by:
“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”- Lady Gaga

I had a fabulous horoscope today. I love it and probably should've followed by it but...who ever follows their horoscope? Or thinks about it? Maybe I should make that a part of my daily routine: following my horoscope.

Oh, goodness, that boss of yours can sure drive you crazy sometimes, can't they? Well, don't let it get to you. Everyone has to deal with difficult authority figures from time to time. Instead, try to immerse yourself in the details of your work. Make sure every t is crossed and every i is dotted. You may not get the recognition you deserve for all your hard work, now, but have no fear -- your time is coming. And it may arrive sooner than you think.

Love it. So true. :) Things are working out so well.

Nine and looking fine.

So I went back and read my blog about Moving On, and I feel like such a hypocrite. But moving on is very hard; It's not easy to just dissolve your feelings for someone. I mean, it can be, but why is it different every time you need to move on? I don't understand why it can't always be the same, but I guess it's because every person you meet in life will mean something different to you. I've never felt this bad before, but I bet I have. I know I have, I just can't help but think it. I just like to be happy and it's hard to be happy when you're on your own. But it's time for a fresh start.

"Letting go isn't about giving up. It's about accepting that there are things that cannot be."
~ Unknown

Which is so true. But I should really focus on making new friends, and my studies. I hate being freshman. I feel like I'm reliving freshman year of high school all over again.

Music is my new boyfriend. I love him. He makes me feel good, and he makes me feel bad. He has everything that a boyfriend should have; poise, charm, emotion. I've needed a good dose of music. That's what has been missing in my life.

It is cruel, you know, that music should be so beautiful. It has the beauty of loneliness of pain: of strength and freedom. The beauty of disappointment and never-satisfied love. The cruel beauty of nature and everlasting beauty of monotony.
Benjamin Britten

There's nothing I want more in my life right now then to be in front of a choir. Not just any choir, my own choir. I want to direct so badly. I need to do it. I want to enrich the lives of young adults with music and the skills they need to read and analyze music. I need to be doing that with my life. I need to be teaching. Teaching music is my passion. I'm not sure if I can make it to grad school. I will most likely just graduate and go straight into teaching. I just want to be successful.

Eight to the Date

Today's blog post is about change.

Change. That word has been morphed since Barack Obama used it as his campaign slogan. It's hard for me to look at that word and not cringe, even though I'm not thinking of the word politically.

What is so hard about change? Is it the part of letting go whatever needs to be let go? Is it starting over again? What makes change so damn scary? I figure it's because people are just comfortable with what they have in life, even if it's mediocre. It's hard to start over again, to change your life. That's what I've been experiencing; change. And lots of it. And it is not easy; especially when you've changed so much for yourself and for someone else.

College isn't easy. Making new friends isn't easy. It's hard to come to a new place and open yourself up; especially if you've grown up in the same place your entire life. I'm not good with change, but I've come to accept how hard it is. I don't know where I'm going with this post, but here are some quotes for you.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
-Anatole France

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.
-Arnold Bennett

He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is the greatest innovator.
-Francis Bacon

If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living.
-Gail Sheehy

If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change.
-John A. Simone, Sr.

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
-Irene Peter

Seven is Lucky

Pfft, yeah seven is lucky my ass. I had the craziest summer and the craziest beginning of college.

I worked all summer at Kemah in retail; I loved it so much. I can't wait to go back, even for a day. I miss my co-workers a lot. In fact, I can't wait to go back to LC in general; I miss everyone so much.

So, I've decided that I will try to post at least once a week, and have a topic of discussion for each week. I will reveal our topic in a few moments. I just want to get you caught up with my life.

Life here is...okay at SHSU. I can't help but be reminded each and every day how much I miss LC, Caleb, my friends, and Creek Choir. I can't help but realize how much choir used to be my life. But on the bright side, I'm sort of meeting people and making friends. Too bad things are kind of already heading down south. It's sad to see that just because people graduated doesn't mean they graduated out of their high school petty attitudes. I try hard to keep my head high, but it's so hard when my emotions are so out of wack and out of sync. Other than socially, grade wise I'm doing well, I'm just extremely overwhelmed. It's so hard to focus when I'm kind of depressed. I'm not going to delve into that though. I'm writing this blog to get over those thoughts because writing always has seemed to work so exceptionally well for me. I love being a music education major; I'm in heaven with theory and musicianship and everyone (well not everyone) being so infatuated with music. It's heaven. God...why can't I get this sick feeling out of my stomach like something terrible has gone wrong? Rachel, do not cave. You can not give power to anyone. You are in control.

Sorry, I had to say that. I can't explain what it means but when I read back on it I will know what it means.

Anyway, today (or this week's topic of discussion) is: Moving On
Whether it be about moving on from a friendship, a job, or a relationship. I feel like moving on is the hardest thing to do, yet it could be so simple. Why put yourself through so much pain and suffering? Why not want yourself to be happy? Why not just cut the things out of your life that make you unhappy? Wouldn't life be much simpler that way? But it's not that easy right? There are all these complicated emotions that get in the way like pride, love, and fear of loss. Sometimes your brain has a hard time comprehending that you would be better off without a certain thing or person. People are afraid to move on because they're afraid to screw up. But that's what life is. It's one huge screw up, and you'll only continue to make bad choices in your life. It can't be avoided. I looked up a few quotes in preparation for my blog post. Here they are.

“Why do people persist in a dissatisfying relationship, unwilling either to work toward solutions or end it and move on? It's because they know changing will lead to the unknown, and most people believe that the unknown will be much more painful than what they're already experiencing.” -Anthony Robbins

“Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.” -Les Brown

“People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.”-Bill Cosby

"Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go."
~ Len Santos


"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."
~ Unknown

"I chose and my world was shaken. So what? The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not. You have to move on."
~ Stephen Sondheim

"Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror"
~ Byrd Baggett

My favorite one is by Anthony Robbins. I find that quotes always make me feel better and put things into perspective. I really can't say much more about the subject. I've really laid it out on the table as it is.

Post 6

So here I am after weeks of not posting a blog. And it's 1:08 in the morning on Wed. Jun 16, 2010. So much has happened! But I won't go through everything that's happened thus far since my last post on Fri. May 28th.

I graduated on June 5, 2010 @ 9:30 AM. It was pretty awesome. Long and hot. And the speeches were pretty good. I only teared up a little bit during the Salutatorian's speech. I will miss High School. I will miss all of my friends. I'm glad to be starting a new chapter in my life. Thank you Clear Creek High School for all the lessons you've taught me and for all the great experiences. I will miss it deeply.

My grad party went pretty well. Carlee, Caleb, Chelsea, Austin, Kayla, Andrew J., Andrew C. and Jordan all showed up. It was a lot of fun. And project grad was pretty cool. The hypnotist show was...beyond amazing. I won a door prize. A free car wash and a starbucks gift card. Caleb was sick all night. Poor baby. He got me sick though. D:

I've been hanging out with good friends a lot. Carlee. Rebecca. Josh. Andrew J. Jordan. Chase. I love them. :)

I have been sick for a total of 9 days now. Thank you Caleb. You owe me big time. In 15 days it will be Caleb' and I's one year. I can not wait for that day. We will have tons of fun. :)

I got a job at Kemah again, but instead of in rides, it's in retail. I keep thinking about switching over. Then I remember how hot it was, and how different it will be without the old KBG. :( I miss you Kemah Boardwalk Gang. You were awesome. I feel bad that everyone got fired....

Cinque

It has been a long and painful week--it was the last week as an official high school student. I will no longer be enrolled at Clear Creek after June 5, 2010. So ready for graduation. (P.S. Today is May 28th, 2010)

Tuesday, I missed Glee because I was over at Jordan's house. We ended up going to blockbuster after school and renting Capitalism: A Love Story, The Fourth Kind, The Shining, and...I can't remember what other movie but it was another horror movie. We've been kind of in a horror movie mood, so we've been watching all sorts of suspenseful stuff lately, like Paranormal Activity. The Fourth Kind was the worst movie I've ever seen. Don't bother renting it. It was a waste of time and money.

Wednesday didn't even feel like a school day because I went to Ms. Wright's funeral to sing 'The Lord Bless You and Keep You.' with choir. I forgot my funeral clothes that day because of all the crap going on in my life. Ugh. How stupid of me. So, mom had to bring me my clothes. The funeral was pretty sad; I still can't believe she passed away. She was too young. RIP Charlene Louise Wright. Always know that you were part of what inspired me to continue music on into High school and on into college. I can not tell you how grateful I am for all the lessons you taught me. After the funeral, I went to Jordan's so he could run me through sound cues. We did fine when we rehearsed the sound cues in the auditorium later, but our for our performance, they decided they didn't want to work. Caleb came and saw our scene; I'm glad I got to see him. Things didn't go so well at scene showcase. There was a lot of tension that night. I left right after striking our set from our scene and Caleb took me to Orient Cafe and we had some General Tsos. It was very yummy. I still didn't get to watch Glee.

Thursday, aka yesterday, was...dramatic during school. Jordan didn't show up. I went to his house during lunch and things weren't great. Then we had rehearsal during 7th period for the Drama Prom a Rama ceremony. I convinced Jordan later on to come with me, but he won't be taking part in the ceremony with us because he missed the rehearsal. After that I went to Carlee's and swam. I had a great time with Rebecca, Carlee, Andrew, and Josh. Those are some amazing friends. I didn't get home till 10:15 though so I had to take a shower this morning. I was way too tired to even thinking about having to spend another hour awake.

That's pretty much how my week went. I think I might just do weekly posts, or posts on Sundays or something.

Cuatro!

Today was a very interesting day.

...not.

Today was very boring. I have 300 pages left to read of The Fountainhead. It needs to get finished before this week. School is such a waste of my time. I can't stand it. There is no point to it anymore. I guess thats the time I should use to finish The Fountainhead. But...everyone is always so busy talking and I'm so ADHD it's so hard to concentrate. :( Went to Jordan's today, and ate a cupcake he got me and then later on we had strawberries. We stained the deck. Oops. Sorry Jordan. Didn't mean for you to have to do some mexican work today. Haha.

My old choir director, Charlene Wright, passed away on May 23rd, at 7:15 am. I will miss her dearly. So will all of her students. A moment of silence for her when you read this please.

...

Banquet went pretty well last night. I didn't cry but that's because I'm so ready to move on with my life.

My thoughts are too jumbled for me to talk about anything else.

Blogging tomorrow. :) Bye

3 is a magic number

Good morning all who are reading my blog. It might not be morning when you read this, but it is morning now when I am writing it. It is May 23, 2010, 9:56 AM. I am extremely tired.

It has been a long weekend. Friday was a very long day for some reason. It wasn't a very good day, but it was a nice evening. I got to see Caleb and we watched an episode of Dexter. I love Dexter! It's so great. After Dexter we went to the Creek Vs. Lake Improv battle, where my best friend Jordan Fowler was the most amazing improviser on the troupe! Creek totally stomped Lake. Our 5 minute movie was amazing while theirs was...um...to put it bluntly...TERRIBLE. I think our 5 minute movie won the show. It was crazy.

Yesterday, I woke up around 9 AM and I got ready to go to Hobby Lobby with Jordan. We had a ton of fun just driving around and talking. We got his mask from HL, and then we went to Michaels and bought the mirrors for his mask. I need to get to work on that so it's done by Friday. Then we went to Hot Wok and ate Vietnamese Egg Rolls. Yumm. We drove back up to the mall where we tried to find a tie to match my dress for Drama Prom A Rama, but we decided to go back another day when I had my dress so he could find a proper matching tie. Then we headed back over to his house for a little while and watched YouTube videos because his cable box was being retarded. I had to head home after a little while to go to the dollar store and grab some stuff for choir banquet, which is today! Wow! I can't believe I'm almost done with high school for forever! Then I headed back to Creek to watch the mini-troupe with Jordan, and then I watched Jordan's last improv show ever! :( The entrance they made was so cool! :) Props to Gino for that idea. After the show

I've got a lot of things to do today, but first, I'm heading over to Jordan's at 11 to go finish the rest of Paranormal and eat some breakfast!

I'll get to blogging about it later~

Bye!

Entry Number 2

Today is May 20, 2010. It is a Thursday.

Today has been a very stressful day. I woke up with a ridiculous headache, and I'm pretty sure it's from wearing that headset all day yesterday for Children's Theatre. I took Mac Attack (My apple laptop) to school today to play The Sims 3 on when I didn't have anything to do (which is pretty much all day), but I realized I left the CD at home on the floor in it's case. Lovely. So I pretty much did nothing today. It was a very stressful day anyway though, but some of that weight was lifted off my shoulders after choir because I found out that they weren't going to have a second chamber choir. I'm glad Mr. P is keeping the Chamber Singers an elite group.

We cleaned up in Children's Theatre today, which was nice, because now we don't have to worry about props getting lost or broken. I was able to fish a clock and table out of our set and props for scene showcase, which is next week Wednesday. Hoo boy. We've only worked with the set once. I hope we do well. Lydia and Peaches are coming along so well. I love it, and I love my co-director (the artistic director), Jordan Fowler. He's very good at directing. I like being tech director. I like doing technical things.

Jordan and I went to McDonalds today for lunch. Yum. It's been a while since I've had a burger from McDonalds, but I feel fat for eating it. I've been bad and I've been drinking a lot of soda. I need to start drinking more water.

After school today, I came home and started working on my Drama Prom a Rama mask. It looks so good! Here is a picture of it.

Yeah, I have more pictures of it, but I don't feel like uploading them to my computer right now.

I also had voice lessons today with Mrs. T, and we finally have my college music copied and down on a CD! Time to start learning.

I'm going to go to improv show tonight and tomorrow. Tomorrow is the battle and I'm sure I'm going to go with Caleb.

I will blog about it later!

First Post

Today is May 19, 2010. I will try to keep up with this blog as much as possible. I tend not to keep up with blogs and journals. But, I'm really determined with this one. Like. Really. I'll try.

So, today was the beginning and the end of Ozma of Oz, the show I was assistant director for and the show that I did light cues for. It was a good run, and there were a few mishaps, but it went well none the less. I'm so so proud of my actors and my crew (Allie-Costumes, Brooke-Props, Christian-Sound and Crew Head)! It's the last show ever for me in High School. I can't believe it. I don't know which I like better--acting or crew. I think I like them both equally, but I think I like being an actress better.Yeah. I like being an actress better.

Even after Ozma of Oz is over, I still have a crap ton to do. I have to go buy decorations for choir banquet, and I have to buy Sean a binder and decorate it. I also have to make my mask and centerpiece for Drama Prom-A-Rama. There is so much to do and so little time! I'm so ready to graduate! I also need to go back to Kemah and apply for a job. I need one.

I love my boyfriend Caleb McBroom. He is the best boyfriend of all time and I'm glad I got to see him.

I really don't have much else to say! Ciao!