Thirteen and I'm going to be seen!

Today was a pretty chill day. Theory is stressing me out. School is stressing me out. It's that time of the year where I start stressing about my grades, and then in the end I end up being fine and passing with B's and A's. I hate it. I just want to go home and see my family and my friends and just hang out! I miss them. I'm ready for my birthday!

15 days until I turn 19, on Nov. 25th, which is also Thanksgiving this year! I'm ready for my bday party with my friends. I'm ready for a lot!

I don't know what I want for my birthday. (Just kidding I do <3 Money, and Dexter Season 1-3 <3. Winter clothes. Love <3 )

I went to Dr. Ruiz's piano recital tonight. It was so beautiful and really proved to me that music makes you think more complex and intricate questions. All I could think about was how the relationships I've had so far are just small insignificant marks on the long life span I'm going to have. And just a lot of other thoughts. And how I really want to be a choir director and just to live my life. And I realized that I'm kind of lonely. It's been such a long time since I've been single. :( But I'll make it. I just need a girls night out. And I will have that tomorrow night with Cassie, Celeste, and Katie. I will be living with them next year <3 I'm excited to be living with them; they seem to be extremely cool girls. I also want a girls night out with Rebecca and Carlee. I miss them so much. <3

I found some lyrics to a Norah Jones song (whom I'm currently obsessed with. Wth?) that I really feel like sum up the last two weeks of my life. here they are. The song is called "Not My Friend"


Help me breathe,
Help me believe,
You seem really glad that I am sad.

You are not my friend,
I cannot pretend that you are.

You made it sting,
Your voice is ringing,
Just like the boys who laughed at me in school.

You are not my friend,
I cannot pretend anymore.

You found a place,
No one should ever go.

I'll be ok,
'cause when I back away,
I'm gonna keep the handle of your gun in sight.

I've really been listening to a lot of mellower music. Man, I'm so ready for Gaga's new cd. Born This Way 2011 <3

Today's quote is:
"When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit."
~ Unknown

Twelve doesn't mean I'm going to delve!

I couldn't think of any good words to rhyme with twelve!

I'm trying really hard to keep this blog up to date!

I feel sososososososo much better since all that stupid crap is over. I don't feel bad, or terrible, or anything! I'm so happy. Saturday night was amazing. I sang my solos so well, even I'll admit that. I admit it confidently. :)

I have a wonderful date tomorrow night (hopefully not postponed again?!) with Pearce. It's his last name. I'm not sure how much I should be publicizing his name. I'm super excited about it. I'm ready to get out of the dorm and start hanging out with people again!

It's hard since we're all in college and we all have obligations. All we kids want to do is make friends and hang out.

I've started watching True Blood, and come to the conclusion that True Blood is just Twilight Rated X. Come on Stephenie Meyer, we all know you stole Charlaine Harris idea about True Blood and just dumbed it down into a G rated book. Lame. Also Stephen Moyer is much hotter than Robert Pattinson if you ask me.

My horoscope today is: Your good nature is rubbing off on others today. You might find that your energy is best spent on bringing people together or ensuring peace, even among people who have been at each other's throats lately.

Hmmm not sure how I feel about it. I guess it's true? We'll see! The day is yet to be over!

Eleven and I'm finally in Heaven.

Bet you read this because I asked you if you did. (You're not supposed to understand what it means ;) )

Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head all night long. Seriously, what the in the hell? I sort of need to focus for a paper. But how can I when Sweet Transvestite is stuck in my head?! Or when Pirates of Penzance is? Or when Candide is?! God, I want to write a musical! Really bad! But we all want a lot of things, don't we?

Today was overall a great day. It was a good day to stick it to the man and say *insert expletive here* haters! Why did I ever waste my time? My emotion? Maybe it was because I was stupid. Or maybe it was the way I 'move into you and you work your way back. I feel insecure and you fill in the gap'. Idiot. But we did 'Our Best'. Now I know to let go, but I miss you instead. Ha! Not. But it's okay, I'll still remember your painted smile. -barf-

Can I use anymore wordplay right now? I bet I could. I have so so so so so soooo many more witty comments to use. Maybe if I write my paper now it will be astounding. But I don't want to. I'm like...dying. I need to express myself creatively! Maybe I'll write s short story.

My horoscope today was fantastic: The big picture is clear to you now, so you ought to be able to figure out what to do next -- if it isn't preordained, that is! See if you can convince at least one colleague that you're the one to follow.


Love it. So true.

Today's quote is:

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

10 and I'm going for a spin!

Today has been awfully awful. So awful in fact, that I realized a lot more about myself. If I really love myself, I'll move on. So I have. The final straw has been drawn. And I snapped. This happened a lot quicker than I thought it would. Much quicker than what happened with Frankie. I kinda like this. The fact that I'm starting new. There's no reason to be caught up over one person. Especially when there are so many other people out there who can offer you so much more in life. All I should focus on right now is my career.

Today's topic.: Respect. You realize how little people have of it for each other. But, the world be a much better place if people respected others. But they don't. And it will never be that way. I think maybe it's time I start fresh. Suck all the poison out of my life. (Haha, I totally stole that from Mean Girls. I have almost every line of that movie memorized). And once I do, I think things will be at peace in my life.

Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power.
Clint Eastwood

“Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”
Stacey Charter

Both are my favorite today. But for the week, I live my motto by:
“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”- Lady Gaga

I had a fabulous horoscope today. I love it and probably should've followed by it but...who ever follows their horoscope? Or thinks about it? Maybe I should make that a part of my daily routine: following my horoscope.

Oh, goodness, that boss of yours can sure drive you crazy sometimes, can't they? Well, don't let it get to you. Everyone has to deal with difficult authority figures from time to time. Instead, try to immerse yourself in the details of your work. Make sure every t is crossed and every i is dotted. You may not get the recognition you deserve for all your hard work, now, but have no fear -- your time is coming. And it may arrive sooner than you think.

Love it. So true. :) Things are working out so well.

Nine and looking fine.

So I went back and read my blog about Moving On, and I feel like such a hypocrite. But moving on is very hard; It's not easy to just dissolve your feelings for someone. I mean, it can be, but why is it different every time you need to move on? I don't understand why it can't always be the same, but I guess it's because every person you meet in life will mean something different to you. I've never felt this bad before, but I bet I have. I know I have, I just can't help but think it. I just like to be happy and it's hard to be happy when you're on your own. But it's time for a fresh start.

"Letting go isn't about giving up. It's about accepting that there are things that cannot be."
~ Unknown

Which is so true. But I should really focus on making new friends, and my studies. I hate being freshman. I feel like I'm reliving freshman year of high school all over again.

Music is my new boyfriend. I love him. He makes me feel good, and he makes me feel bad. He has everything that a boyfriend should have; poise, charm, emotion. I've needed a good dose of music. That's what has been missing in my life.

It is cruel, you know, that music should be so beautiful. It has the beauty of loneliness of pain: of strength and freedom. The beauty of disappointment and never-satisfied love. The cruel beauty of nature and everlasting beauty of monotony.
Benjamin Britten

There's nothing I want more in my life right now then to be in front of a choir. Not just any choir, my own choir. I want to direct so badly. I need to do it. I want to enrich the lives of young adults with music and the skills they need to read and analyze music. I need to be doing that with my life. I need to be teaching. Teaching music is my passion. I'm not sure if I can make it to grad school. I will most likely just graduate and go straight into teaching. I just want to be successful.